


When James kissed Lily

by BlickScondiblick



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Oneshot, jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28428072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlickScondiblick/pseuds/BlickScondiblick
Summary: After the most disastrous date in the history of dates, Lily hears a knock on her door in the middle of the night.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 9
Kudos: 49





	When James kissed Lily

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ClaudiaWrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaudiaWrites/gifts).



> HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO THE ONE AND ONLY CLAUDIA, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, SORRY I MISSED YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! I wrote this from Lily's POV and in the first person because you're the queen of doing that and I'm nothing if not your biggest fan <3
> 
> Also sorry to you and everyone that enjoys my fic, I kinda dropped off the face of the earth for a while, but no worries, I'm always here lurking and waiting to jump on an opportunity to write about James and Lily, my favorite idiots

It’s the middle of the night when a knock at the door jolts me awake. Around me, the breathing of my roommates remains even and light. My heart does a little _tap-tap-tap_ against my ribcage, as I stare at the door.

I must have imagined it. An unconscious thing, a sound pulled from my sleep-infused brain to jerk my body into motion, my heart into action. Because that knock, I’m quite sure was James’ knock. The one he repeats against everything he can find, when he wants to catch my attention in class, in the library, or in the Great Hall. Knuckles against wood. Two fast, a pause, a loud one, another pause, then two fast again.

_It’s like a signature_ , he once told me, and I rolled my eyes at him because I had never heard of anything more ridiculous. But then, with time, I came to look forward to that knock. Wish for it. Smile as soon as I heard it, because I knew it always preceded something that was going to make me laugh.

For weeks now, that knock has been enough to make my heart go crazy, to send my breath askew. It’s derailed my brain I think. Because I can’t stop looking at the door, through the crack between the curtain of my bed, and hoping t hat door will open on James.

Except James couldn’t have knocked and he can’t be standing outside of this room. For several reasons. The first and most obvious one: boys don’t have access to the girls’ dormitories. The staircase turns into an impossible-to-climb slide and James has never managed to even get close to it without triggering the security system.

The second reason: there’s an important game tomorrow, Gryffindor against Slytherin, the last game of the year, and James announced quite loudly his plans to go to bed early and sleep soundly to be in top shape to ‘ _kick snake arse_ ’ in the morning. His words not mine.

The third reason: James has lost interest in me. I don’t know exactly how or why, but he has. We had a date today. Our first. He took me to Hogsmeade and bought me candy and made me laugh and when it was time to say goodbye, I leaned in for a kiss and he went in for a fist bump. Then he practically ran away.

I went  back to the dorm not knowing how to feel. Wondering if I imagined the flirty undertone to all of our conversations, or the wishful way he looks at me. Trying to ignore the empty, hungry feeling tearing its way through me.

I went to bed fuming. Embarrassed. Holding the broken pieces of my heart in my palms and trying to fuse them back together. The old James would never have passed on an opportunity to kiss me. The old James declared his undying love to me so many times I’ve been taking it for granted. And now it seems he doesn’t feel the same way he used to. That’s okay. I can’t be mad at him because his feelings changed. That’s not something he can control.

Another knock sounds in the quiet room. Two fast, a pause, a loud one, another pause, then two fast again. I sink a little lower on the bed. It wasn’t a dream then.

A pit opens in my stomach and something flutters in my chest. Opposite emotions pull me in different directions and it’s everything I can do to not be torn apart by the heaviness of it.

Before my brain can register I’m doing it, my feet meet the floor. I smooth my hair down my shoulders, using my fingers to untangle the most obvious knots. I walk on tiptoes to not wake up Marlene and Marie.

I take a deep breath before I open the door.

James stands in front of me, his white shirt tight over the defined muscles of his torso, barefoot, in jeans, with a weird, indescribable expression on his face. I would think this was a dream if I wasn’t so underdressed. My oversized tie-dye shirt falls past my knees, and I used to think it was comfortable, but now I’m worried it’s just childish. I’m not wearing any pants but there’s nothing I can do about it now.

“What…” I start to say, but stop when James steps forwards.

He ’s close. Too close. Close enough to kiss me if he wants to, and from the look on his face, the dark, dangerous look seeping into his every feature, I can tell he wants to.

My eyes take it all in, but my mind can ’t quite process it. His eyes, wide and dark, the pulse point fluttering in the soft space of his neck, beneath his jaw, under his flawless skin. His lips. Dear God, his lips.

I thought I knew pain, I thought I knew desire, I thought I had experienced everything a human body could feel but the ache that travels my blood is like nothing I ’ve felt before. It’s too much. It’s too much and yet it’s not enough.

We ’re standing too close together and yet a thin layer of air still separates us. I want it gone. I want him to lower his head. I want to feel his breath on my skin, I want the heat of him to fuse with the heat of me, I want... I want him.

But I do nothing. I stand still and wait for him.  He’s the one that came here, that somehow got past the impossible-to-climb slide and the prefect supposed to keep watch over the Common Room, he can do a little bit more. What’s a few extra inches?  I marvel at the curve of his neck, the angle of his jaw, at his delicate cheekbones, and when my gaze plunges into his eyes, my heart drops like a stone. Because I see fear in the arch of his eyebrows. Hesitation in the way he stands. 

My tensed muscles, my helpless heart, my empty, bleeding, useless lungs, everything in me has been replaced by temptation, I am burning, teetering on the edge of a fever that refuses to break, and James, beautiful James, is hesitating.

I breathe a desperate breath. My heart has no right making this much noise, but when I watch the soft spot below James ’s jaw, I can almost hear his pulse echoing mine. One, two, three times.

_ Kiss me _ , I think.  _ Kiss me, please. I won _ _ ’t survive it if you step away.  _ But I ’m not sure I’d survive his lips on mine either.

A second passes. Then another. James doesn ’t move closer. 

I don ’t understand why my eyes are prickling and suddenly wet. Why my teeth are grinding together so goddamn hard. I don’t understand the hurt that washes over me, more intense with every second that passes, but I think James does, because he raises his hand, his soft, perfect hand, and with a brush of his fingertips under my chin, he drives the hurt away.

In a sacred, hidden part of me, there ’s fear too. Because whatever we do tonight, we cannot und o. This is the high-point of something we have been building for a long, long time.

James ’ hand moves to cup my jaw and tilt my face up. My limbs loosen, my body melts and warmth floods my veins.  I’m not scared anymore.

His lips find mine.

The room tilts. The city. The world. Something shifts beneath my feet, something enormous and impalpable, something quite like the pull of gravity but much more important.

James was my mortal enemy before he slowly, and so smoothly it was as if there had been no transition at all, became my friend. He’s my classmate. My sometimes confidant. My all-times favorite sportsman. But tonight there’s no labels. Tonight, we’re just people, free of any baggage or history.

People that are kissing.

I’m kissing James Potter.

I part my lips under the tentative strokes of his tongue and a storm sweeps me off my feet. His hands are everywhere, in my hair, the small of my back, the nape of my neck. A low contented sound hums in his throat and vibrates straight through me, sending electric jolts everywhere our bodies connect.

I return the kiss with a burning passion, my nails scraping against his skin, my hands grabbing at the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer, closer, closer until our bodies are flushed together. I ’m surrounded by his solidness, his smell, his warmth, and nothing has ever felt more right.

His teeth graze my bottom lip and I ’m out of my mind with wanting. I come undone under the pressure of his kiss. My fingers travels over the hard lines of his stomach and it’s all I can do to not tear the shirt off him.

I try to back away, to get us out of this godforsaken doorway and pull us to my bed, but James doesn ’t budge. His feet remain firmly planted and his hands pull me back towards him for another kiss.  He’s never been a rational man, but on a certain number of occasions he’s been more level-headed than I have, and now is one of those times. Marie and Marlene are sleeping in here, and there is no way we can do all the things we so clearly both want to do without waking them up. 

So we kiss.  We kiss like it’s both the first time and the last and o ur heads  spin  faster than the room around us. 

I sigh breathlessly against his lips and we reluctantly part to allow oxygen back into our lungs. James ’ eyes  are almost glazed over, darker than a starless night. My heart crashes with such force I’m afraid it will break my ribs. We’re nothing but heat, heaving chests and shared breaths. Kiss-reddened lips and hurried heartbeats.

James ’ boyish grin twists my insides and makes strange cavewoman instincts surface. I want to wrap around him and hold him forever. I want him. I need him.

Can I have him? Really, properly have him like I want to? It doesn ’t feel possible. The last few seconds barely feel real. I press a gentle, timid kiss against his jawline, the only part of his face I can reach now that he’s straightened, and the warmth of his skin against my lips reassures me. It’s real. He’s real.

James smiles and cups my face before placing a soft kiss on my forehead. I don ’t know why, but this feels like the most intimate out of all of them. It makes me feel cared for. Seen. Loved.

I could cry with happiness.

Without a word, James steps back into the long corridor of the apartment building and I have to hold on to the door frame to avoid accidentally floating away. Without a word, he leaves and without a word, I close the door behind him.

I press my back against the wooden panel door and smile like the idiot I am. Riding a euphoric high, I revel in the theatricality of it. In the fact that this giant, ridiculous man,  managed to tell me everything that he felt without speaking a single word.

I breathe.  I l augh quietly.

And even though it’s ridiculous and embarrassing, and even though I promised myself that I would never, ever feel something like this for James fudging Potter,  I  burst at the seams with love.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!! Please let me know what you think!!! <3


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